I am torn over the orphan....

My soul is torn. The plight of the orphan quickly moves me to tears. I try to read as many adoption blogs as I can and have followed several families stories from start to present. Not only is there a hunger in me to read about people's stories, but I know that keeping faces and names before me makes the problem real. It keeps my heart tender to something beyond my little bubble.

Riley was given to us through the gift of adoption and I CANNOT imagine our family with out her. Us without Riley would not be us anymore. Her merge into our hearts happened from the moment we said yes. Actually it happened the first time I heard about someone else adopting her and the thought "I want that baby" zipped through my mind.

Gabriel was my great expectation, Phineas was my great joy, but Riley...she was my great reward. What an awesome transaction - all I had to do was say yes and she was the reward.

I am torn because there are SO MANY orphans - today - that need homes. There are more than 4,500 foster care children in Kansas and only 2,000 foster care families, leaving more than 2,500 foster kids without a home. In Missouri there are over 9,000 kids in foster care, most under the age of 10 and only about half of those are in a home.

Toddlers and teenagers whose greatest wish is a family they can call their own, but as the weeks and years go by they shove that dream down deep so they don't have to feel loss and pain.

I am torn because right now I have a full quiver with a baby and 2 other small children. At 40 I feel like my head is barely screwed on straight from Phin's birth.

I feel physically unavailable for adoption at this time, but emotionally I am a big tub of blubber. I know even my tears are intercession and maybe that is the portion I am to carry right now, but I think it is more that the intercession is preparation. God graciously confronting my heart in the present so I am able to quickly say yes to the future.